9. Aug, 2021

Losses and gains

It seems everywhere I look these days I see loss. I look back almost three years ago to the day, and I saw the greatest loss of my life slowly slip away. My mum had been sick for a long time so I guess one could think upon her passing as a blessing in disguise, where she would eventually ease out of this world and onto the next and finally be at peace.

I look over my fence and see loss. My two wonderful neighbours who I had really only come to know well recently also passed over the rainbow within three weeks of each other. Maybe my neighbour couldn’t bear the loss of her husband of 53 years, and she is now resting peacefully in the warmth of his embrace. In looking at loss over the fence I see the resultant heartache of three adult siblings struggling to come to terms with the shock of the incomprehensible and several grandchildren unable to understand fully why both their grandparents are no longer with us.

I watch the news each day and all I see is loss, the loss of our liberty and freedom at the hands of a virulent strain of a virus that is spreading its way across the globe like ice cracks and breaks across an Alaskan lake, fracturing and splintering into millions of tiny tentacles grabbing and devouring everyone in their path. No one is immune and the fear that this disease is creating is causing panic and mayhem and, in many cases, leaving behind mere shadows of once healthy people.

I do the math, crunch the numbers, and realise that a solid percentage of people who fall prey to this virus will never fully recover, and they will be left to deal with a grief and loss so colossal they will be weighing up whether the preferred outcome was death, for many are likely to feel they are experiencing a living death. Although I have not been ravaged by Covid 19, I have experienced a similar illness and its aftereffects have been with me for many years.

I see loss in people’s eyes as they grieve for a world that was open to all, but now we are fortunate if we can leave our homes to go to work. Crossing borders even within one’s own country has become challenging. I see a world that was once so large reduced to the four walls of my home. Our pets are the winners here, mum and dad home 24/7 and walks aplenty because exercise is one of the very few freedoms left to us.

We are left to fantasize and create within our limited spaces and capacities, is that a loss or is it encouraging and promoting creativity? The new go to word is “lockdown” which causes my mind to turn to Article 13 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the “Right to free movement in and out of the country” and I realise that currently our government is in contravention of the Declaration themselves, actually in probably more than one Article out of the 30. However, as a responsible citizen, I am willing to abide by their demands for the greater good and hopefully for a better outcome for all.

It seems we all have lost something, but perhaps I am taking a dim view of the new world order in not recognising what we may have gained out of our losses.

In losing mum and my neighbours, I recognise how important it is to love hard and to live everyday like it’s the last, because my lessons learned of late remind me that it just may well be. I have gained the experience that loss teaches, and that is we are here for such a brief moment in time, and it occurred to me how important it is to do something nice for yourself every day. Today I saw dolphins as I paddled around my bay, and I was privileged to be able to marvel at their beauty. A beauty that one needs to soak in to feel fulfilled.

In losing my neighbour I have gained four new friends. My neighbours’ daughters, and in particular my other next-door neighbour who shared with me the horrific find of my beloved friend who passed away in her home. I believe that new beginnings have come and will be maintained from such a tragic end.

Lockdown is teaching me the importance of trying to “get-on” with those people most important in our lives, a little effort in the case of those living close to us I am sure will return to us ten-fold. To my husband and sons, I am eternally thankful for your love and compassion always.

In some ways I think there are many more lessons to learn from our imposed lockdowns, but I think one of the most important is to take note that it is okay to be alone, to be at one with yourself, to be happy with your own company, to take the time to be still, to know that enough is sometimes just enough.

Lockdown is also forcing me back to the pen. I read a story I had written a few years ago at the impending loss of one of my canine companions and I was actually quite amazed at the skill I showed when I re-read the story, so my imposed isolation is forcing me back to my creative side, a side I have felt out of practice with.

Maybe as hard as it is to recognise at the time, perhaps there is always something to gain from the losses in our lives, perhaps if we sit still and ponder long enough the truth will help set us free.