20. Jun, 2014

Taking flight

The demons of darkness are back, they have been pounding on my door like they are the ones trying to escape from the deepest and most sinister of evils.

They have a strategy you know; they weaken your defences! They make you refuse every outstretched hand, every offer of kindness and love until they get you afraid, cowering in fear and completely alone.

This total alienation of your soul makes you desperate to respond to anything that comes knocking, and they know that they only have to get you to open the door just a fraction in order for them to penetrate and dominate your soul.

I made the mistake of loosening the latch and I have expended every ounce of my energy and will to expunge their presence, but they are persistent, for they convince you of their power and leave you eroded to a point that you feel dead inside; so compromised, you almost find yourself begging for them to take you!

In all my darkest hours over the past few years I have never come so close to total domination and yet annihilation.

The dark voices in my head have caused me to consider giving up on my quest to find the essence of my spirit, and have also tried to convince me that to open my heart to more soul searching is a lesson in futility.

But more than anything, this past week has made me realise that if I am to survive the ravages of this disease, I need to dig deep, unearth resilience and foster self-love, so I can take flight and rise above the threatening cloudy layer of darkness and soar freely towards the sunlight!

I will one day discover my strength of spirit and learn to love and nurture it, but the only way I can do this is by never losing faith that my spirit can and will conquer this evil. To my advantage, I have the one thing that it doesn’t and that is the ability to love, and it is only when I lose sight of this do I become weakened and vulnerable to its might.

A very positive and inspirational person in my life gave me some sage advice this week. She told me to “stay and play” and to her I offer a heartfelt thank you!