31. Jul, 2017

Road to resilience

Someone very close to me recently sustained a severe injury. He was trampolining and fell awkwardly and broke his neck in two places. He is a very lucky man not to have damaged his spinal cord and although he has a long road ahead, he is a resilient person and will inevitably “bounce back”.

“Lacking in resilience” is often a term used when referring to people with mental health issues and it can be mistaken for meaning “weak”.

One definition I found for the word resilience is “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity or significant sources of stress”.

So for want of a better analogy let’s liken a person's resilience to a trampoline mat.

The more pressure constantly and consistently applied over a long period of time, the more likely the mat will eventually begin to sag under the weight or “burden” it holds.

If I were to add brick after brick after brick to the mat, the increasing weight or let’s say “adversity” would most likely end up stretching the mat and springs to breaking point.

If you have anxiety or depression, it is highly possible you feel emotions acutely. So let’s add a little personal ill health, throw in the sickness of loved ones, some unexpected trauma, relational separation, impending loss and grief over a dying pet, financial considerations and interpersonal discourse and you will find all of these factors can stretch and damage even the hardiest of individuals.

Compounded, they can be life-threatening.

I personally don’t consider myself resilient, but it is not until I sit down and look closely at the pile of bricks I currently shoulder do I realise, not many of us can carry such a load and not be affected by it in some way.

I think awareness and acknowledgment of what we are experiencing can be the first step on our road to resilience.

Breaking down the issues that weigh us down one at a time, owning what is ours and discarding what is not is a great beginning. As a person with anxiety, I am like a sponge. I soak up other people’s issues as if they are rich in nutrients and are supplying me with a life giving force.

What I need to realise is perhaps what I believe to be nutritious and nurturing, is actually often a deadly toxin that is slowly killing me.

I have to lighten my load, address each of my burdens one at a time and improve my self-awareness by listening to my body’s reaction to any given situation that causes me distress. My mind is not reliable and can often be an irrational, believable and unforgiving liar, so I need to be mindful of my “felt sense” at times of high anxiety.

Resilience begins with self-awareness and self-management.

Sometimes stepping back to allow time for a body and mind under stress to regain strength will also help us to achieve perspective as well. Our road to resilience will often be pot-holed and bumpy but as we continue our journey, just when we think that it evades us, our resilience may just take up the reins and help navigate us through each of life’s obstacles one step at a time.