5. May, 2014

Positive views

The winds of season change whistle wildly through my partially open window, bringing with them a touch of chill almost as if they are preparing me for the approaching winter.

Winter isn’t my favourite season, I’m such a water lover, I miss my summer swims and warm walks on the beach.

I have had a tough week, packed full of mixed emotions!

I visited one professional who told me that she couldn’t do anything more for me! I left her office and cried all the way home, convinced that all remaining hope for progress healthwise had just been ripped up, shredded and then tossed on a bonfire!

I then thankfully ended the week on a more positive note, when another professional helped to assure me all hope is not lost. I left her office and cried!

The second appointment was with a naturopath. She has so far managed to help me understand more about my treatment resistance to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Depression than any other professional I have seen in the past four years, with the exception of my psychiatrist.

There are a lot of grey areas when it comes to diagnosing and treating illnesses like CFS and Depression – nothing is ever clear cut, but the obsession that can grip you when trying to understand them can consume even a mind possessing true clarity.

For many years now it has been “hope” that has kept me going! Hope that one day I will find a panacea when it comes to improving my quality of life, but I am a realist, I know there is no cure for what I have, so when hope even for improvement is dashed it is often hard to get back up, shake it off and push on.

Whilst my naturopath has shed some light and promise, I have to remind myself not to stand back and look at the mountainous landscape before me for too long. I have so many issues both mentally and physically to overcome and I am constantly overwhelmed by the reality of the hike ahead of me.

The mantra that “a journey begins with just one step” may help me to achieve some sort of perspective, but I'm also aware that I am swimming against the tide of time.

I am not totally foolish to believe that I will regain my fountain of youth (actually I don't think I ever really drank from it) but I do wish to be able to appreciate and enjoy what I do have without being constantly told to settle and accept . Seeing positive people who instil even a little hope has to be good therapy for a wounded soul!