15. Mar, 2014

Journey of discovery

My last entry was about loss! I was grieving the death of my companion and best friend, my dog Indy. Indy’s death came two weeks before my husband and I were to depart on a scheduled holiday to Queensland.

So it was with heavy hearts and mixed emotions that  we packed the caravan and headed away on our first real holiday together without our teenage boys.

I guess you could call it a journey of discovery, self-discovery and re-discovery. Children really do change your life in so many ways and I must admit that although I knew deep in my heart that my man really loved me, I knew a couple of weeks alone in a caravan with each other after so many years as a family would test even the best of marriages.

I have never quite been able to fathom what my partner sees in me! My illness has forced change upon our relationship, and in the past few years he has seen the worst of me, yet, he still seems to be “in love” with me.

This second honeymoon was even better than the first as we found we have both come to accept the change that the passage of time brings. Our marriage has matured like a blossoming rose complete with minor imperfections.

There was no smooth sailing on this holiday, in fact it came with several personal challenges… but that is life! It is unrealistic to think we can easily step away from our trials and worries for a few weeks, so the holiday came complete with some brilliant highs and some challenging lows, but these only served to strengthen our commitment and bring us closer together.

I have been too ill over the last few years to compile a "bucket list" of highs I wish to experience, and most of this time I have put dying well above the thought of living before I die, but I did have one wish, and that was to swim with wild dolphins. Unbelievably, my “ultimate high” was granted when a mother and calf approached me and freely swam around my legs looking for a free feed.

I enjoyed this brush with nature, it was the healthiest and most positive emotionally charged endorphin rush I’ve had in a long time (apart from sex of course). This dolphin encounter and the reconnection I made with the love of my life made me thankful that I have fought so hard to stick around on this earth.

I will not cross my wild dolphin encounter off my newly formed bucket list, for I wish it to happen again, but maybe I can begin to start thinking about some other “thank God I’m still alive” experiences that I can add to it.